Butterflies 777

Concerns Over the Future of Jackson's Kids

2012-02-01T08:14:00.000-08:00

At the moment I'm in the process of reading the newest book out on Michael Jackson "Defending the King of Pop." by Dr. Karen Moriarty. I'm at the financial part of it right now. In reading this book so far, it's been giving me a better look into Jackson private world to some degree.

For one thing it isn't regurgitating the accolades we all have seen, heard and read a thousand times. It gives a side of Michael none of us really understood or have known about. Yet really isn't so surprising really, especially when it comes to Michael's naive ways, his finances and the emotional turmoil he had gone through during the trial. It reveals the core of the man, what he went through, through the eyes of his three guards, his attorney and others.
What I'm reading so far, only cements the gut feelings I use to have about Jackson and his camp. As I've said so many times before, Jackson was the golden egg, the vultures were those who were working around him surrounding his every step. Only the book refers to Jackson as the machine that makes things happen and the money maker. Either way, the man never knew what his true worth is about or how much he truly had, because he put his faith into those whom he believed were "helping" him keep control of things. When really it was the complete opposite.
Why was Jackson so naive about things, it was force of habit, something ingrained in him as a child, he never wanted to know the monetary factor, only do what he was told and get a stipulate for it and he was happy.

I'm not trying to come off as the know it all of the lifestyle of Mr. Jackson. Oh quite the contrary. I just use to like to stand back and watch fools think they had the power to control people and even fans to some degree. No I won't go into the negativity of the actions of those who did more harm to Jackson's reputation than good, because it's done and over and we've all moved on from it. No I rather look at the scenario now being played out.

I read how Michael wanted his children protected from being kidnapped, that fear was intense and he kept money aside just in case. The fear during the 2005 trial increased ten-fold.
Yet today we see his children everywhere do lots of publicity work and promotions etc. Sometimes I have to wonder why? To whose benefit is this for? Isn't it still a danger to have the young daughter of Michael being put into the Hollywood Scene, knowing how dangerous this can be, and what it does to young upcoming stars, and how devious the people in these arena's can be. Jackson's daughter, Paris, is now a wealthy young lady, as is her brothers.
These kids are in more jeopardy than one can fathom. Naive to this world, they can be taken advantage of really easy. To say no, they're being watched over, protected etc, is an understatement. How can you trust those who are in control of what these young kids do and who protects them from the vultures who are out to make a buck off of their name and who they're dad was. No one can truly be trusted because money changes a person.
Paparazzi will be lurking in the background salivating for the moment for one mistake, criticism over the movie Paris will be in soon. Will she be strong to undergo that type of scrutiny? Hopefully her dad has taught her that part as well, that life isn't all sweet bowls of sugar and spice. It's a cruel world out there and one has to have alligator skin in order to deal with the scrutiny it brings, especially if you're a child of a famous entertainer.

Nature and the Music

2012-01-31T08:05:00.000-08:00

I may have used this video before...MJinmyheartforever, has placed such beautiful music with her images of Michael together to make one beautiful inspiring video. To some this may be nothing, to me and many who share the same feelings. The video represents peace and harmony. The nature and beauty the Michael Jackson so loved at his Neverland home. The beauty around him, the quiet with only the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees that were spread throughout his ranch then.

Nature, so beautiful, so precious, that most of us take for granted. The sounds of a bird is amazing when you stop and listen. The smells of spring throw up a hint of newness in the air, the white blossoms that bloom on the trees, are the subtle hints that spring is just around the corner again. Buds are just barely there ready to pop into bloom with new leaves.
They're is a hint of mating with each coo of a dove I hear out my window and other birds beginning to mate to begin the cycle of love again.

For some this may sound a bit over exaggerated to some degree. When you have had cancer, nearly died from it, not once, but twice, there is a symbol or some sign from above, that God has given you a chance to finish what you need to do on this Earth. God wasn't ready for me just yet. It was then, I stopped the hustle and bustle of my life, and began to take notice of what was around me. I stopped and really did smell the roses.

I love looking at the sky, watching the formation of the clouds, some looking like horse tails that flow across the sky and soon dissipate. The colors of the sunset or even the sunrise, the hues of pale pink, purple and yellow with hints of orange make you feel a new day is about to begin or finish. If you watch a sunset - you can see a hint of a green as it makes it's way down.
The sea has its own beauty, when it's calm, it glistens, from the sun dancing upon it's waves, like little diamonds. It sounds ...so soothing and peaceful. No matter what kind of mood you're in, the sounds of an ocean, its waves, can bring peace and comfort to you, like that of a lullaby.

Music, as I am listening to now, as I write this, can bring out the beauty and inspiration of my own soul and make it come to live again. It's been hiding from the loss of Michael and hasn't been able to create lately. As I listen to most of these newer video's, with refreshing music from European fans, I feel as if I've been touched by Michael in an indirect way, I don't feel sad, but feel comfort, that he is now at peace and that I too must find the peace within my soul as well.

I hope you enjoy these positive, uplifting video's and take away some kind of comfort from them. Michael would want this for all of us. We can't let go of him ...yet we can go on and carry out his messages and heal the world we live in and be the voice of a child that goes unheard - in Michael Jackson's memory.

In Keeping in Tune with the Week

2012-01-28T08:09:00.000-08:00

There isn't much more to say to finish off what began as a beautiful dedication for Michael and his children, Paris, Blanket and Prince, did him an outstanding job of making their dad proud. So with all that said, I thought I just leave this blog today with something beautiful to enhance the weekend and to keep our hearts remember what a beautiful man this person was and how he, Michael Jackson will forever be sorely missed.

Michael is one again Immortal and Honored

2012-01-26T12:38:00.000-08:00

The ceremony honoring Michael was beautiful and the entertainment was amazing, yet the one thing that I felt was the most emotional of all was the children of Michael, Paris, Blanket and Prince, all getting down to imprint their father forever in stone.

Paris did an amazing job with the glove and even got the glitter of the glove. The shoes however, had to be done at least three times before it was given the okay. You could hear the paparazzi's yelling at them to press harder Blanket, smile Blanket, look up Paris etc. Then each of them had to put their own prints into the cement. Again the roar of the photographers could be heard, Paris show us your hand, Prince and Blanket show you hands, as Blanket raise his up and looked slightly puzzled at the mess in his hands. They were each given towels to clean, Paris couldn't get the cement off her hands too good, yet the photographers kept shouting and taking photos. They were the central focus of the entire commencement. Even though Justin Bieber was there, standing next to Paris, it made for one fantastic photo shoot.

Art and Music of Michael Jackson

2012-01-20T14:32:00.000-08:00

When I first saw this piece of art, I had to look twice at it. First, it truly is amazing to say the least.

As you view it, you sort of see the pain in his eyes and across his face of sorts. It's as if he's trying to say that he's tired of all the nonsense being done to him.

Whoever the artist is, he done a commendable job with this piece of art.

Lately I've been just trying to test the waters to see where I want to be and what I want to do in the months ahead. Whether to continue writing, doing my web etc.

That's when fans had sent me some amazing video's in the last few days. I mean they're incredible, the photos, art and mostly the music is so inspiring and brings emotions up. It's healing as well. It's like a new faze of keep Michael's memory alive and one that is so pleasant. More importantly, it's different. Not the same old rehashing of the same video's or photos over and over again. Now it's more of a challenging display of nature, and beauty, something Michael loved dearly. It's healing, peaceful, as if entering a new dimension of his passing.
Even his book, "Dancing the Dream," with narrations and video clips makes the book Michael wrote, come alive with emotion and feeling.
I rather like this new faze, it's brilliant and so pleasing what the fans and others are doing. I myself want to search out my photographs of nature and look through my stash of Jackson art that I've kept all these years and put it to good use. Yet making these video's is very time consuming. Maybe one day I will, but for now I enjoy looking at the beautiful work others have done and hope they inspire and heal others who have been sort of in a funk lately. After all it's all for L.O.V.E.

Vegas - Immortal - Fanfest Weekend

2011-12-12T12:35:00.000-08:00

After waiting almost a year to see this "Immortal" show, having bought my tickets in November and later the Fan Fest Tickets, I hadn't been this excited in such a long time.

The Fan Fest was set up really nice with the costumes, awards and other paraphernalia of that of Michael Jackson. I knew this was going to be this way and sort of braced myself for what I was going to see. Yet to my surprise there were stages in each corner of the place. The stage for Scream was in one corner, where the space ship was and you could take photos. Only thing was that I was told that no camera's were allowed, so I had my small camera with me and was upset that the person told me the wrong information.

Moving on from that, I was amazed at all the awards I saw of Michael's. Some of these things, were at Julien's auction in 2009. The gloves, the awards and most of the previous costumes from his past concerts. So I moved quickly to the "Remember the Time" stage, where the gold seat was and where Michael sat with his broken foot while trying to attempt a dance. This was crowded but it was done up so beautifully.

There was the living room where Michael and his son Prince played chess. That huge chest board was there and a fire place, the leather sofa and a bookcase. Only thing missing of course was Michael.

Off to Neverland, well sort of, no black gates that were his trade mark of course, but an archway that pleased most. It was different. The flowered pathways, the ice cream card, his golf cart, the Peter Pan painted car and a few of his favorite games he liked playing. Plus the puppet machines with Cinderella and Pinocchio was there. I liked how the hotel did the tree of life. Pretty neat to some degree.

Off to the art corner was the art fans did. Very beautiful art I may say. I've seen them before on the Internet, but this is too precious to be out in public, but more in the hands of his children. Yet it was very beautiful to see the love put into them.

The costumes of "This is it" Wow is all I can say. Michael the costume designer did a phenomenal job from what I've viewed of some of these gorgeous pieces that sparkled larger than a Christmas bulb on a tree.
Because I saw so much of the things there before, and wasn't interested in the Wi game thing, I left early. I wanted to rest before I went to the major event of the night.

Immortal Show

This was the most amazing piece of art put together as a tribute to Jackson. I was blown away, in shock and even in awe, somewhat frightened a bit when they began the "Thriller" - "Ghost" piece. The noise made a few of us jump. I thought, how brilliant this was, that is what Michael would have done.

I loved the "Earth Song," "Will You Be There?" and yes I teared up, but not for long, because out came the "Dangerous" song and no way can you feel down with this song. I wasn't too pleased with just the girl doing the dance on the bar. She was amazing for sure. But I would have preferred more of the dancers doing the criminal dance part as I was use to seeing with Michael.
But the visual effects were so awesome. You looked at the performers, covered in lights to represent stars, and you watch the visuals, and it's like your out in space and at times you could see Michael's face in between the stars.
I wasn't too crazy about Bubbles too much, it was cute, but on a cherry picker--no that belonged to Michael and seemed out of place for the chimp.

When the song "Heal the World" played, I was hoping we all get up and hold hands, like we fans did, but no, there wasn't any of that. But the performers marched out of the audience with hearts and oh that was so touching.
I loved the soldiers; their costumes were phenomenal. Not quite like the "This is It," and glad, the back drop was from there, but these costumes were more from the movie "The Lord of the Rings." The beat, the loudness, went right through you, up your spine and vibrated your very being. "They don't care about us."

The costumes had these electronic lights in the center of the plates that went from a (?) to ($) then a peace sign and then a beautiful heart.

You were emotional with some songs, but elevated right back up again. The action was on stage, up above your head, and on the visuals backdrop. The band was brilliant and phenomenal. Tina Guo blew me away with her cello hard core playing. The dancers were pretty amazing, but one, Jean Sok, "BBoy Hourth" from France, may have had a handicap but it didn't stop his energy and dancing one bit. He was as good, if not better than his dancing partners.

Without giving too much away, I think the show did Michael justice. It gave us all, his music, beat, visuals and visions of a legend who touched so many and was taken away too soon.
Immortal was a wonderful tribute to Michael, his music, his love for the world, children, animals and all that Jackson held close to his heart and lived up the legends visionary dreams.

Murray Faces Consequences Today

2011-11-29T08:19:00.000-08:00

For two years we've had this ordeal hanging around with no end it seemed in sight. Postponements, arguments, pointing fingers, separation, difference of opinions, theories, even the belief that Jackson could be still alive. Anything to will the pain away, to make the day more bearable--that is until today.

The wound just begins the process of trying to heal from a months worth of trial, witnesses and unexpected voice recordings. We listen in shock, our hearts once again fill with pain, hearing the words, that seemed even in that state, beautiful and from the soul, yet we'd never hear them again ever. It's the last words of Michael Jackson for us.

The pain rips through most of us like nothing ever has to know today, a day of reckoning one would say, the end of an ordeal, punishment for deeds done. Today we shall once again hear the words of both attorney's, pleading for justice on one hand and defending on the other.

Two mothers will sit in the same court. One with a broken heart wanting revenge for her lost baby, her son that she will never, ever see again and her tears will never stop flowing once this day is done. On the other side will be the mother of Dr. Murray, pleading that her son didn't mean to do what he did, he got caught up in the moment, let his guard down and became the fall guy for something he should have never got mixed up with. Her heart is heavy, filled with pain, her son, is alive, but will be punished. Yet she can go home not with a broken heart, as Mrs. Jackson will, but more with the heartache of the mistakes that her son did to a human being without regard. That's harder to deal with, but not as hard as losing a child or having to bury them.

Two lives were caught up in a tangled web of deception. One a huge star, having a problem, wanting sleep. The other, wanting the money, the fame and the woman that came with being around his famous patient. Both were blinded by one another, Michael was blinded by his belief of trusting too much, the other his belief that he would be famous heart surgeon in time.

One lead the other to think what they did was right, when really both were so wrong. The doctor let his guard down, became careless, forgot who he truly was, blindsided by the thoughts of what was to be on the tour and one mistake lead to another. Incompetence is a mere statement for what he caused for both himself and others who became the victim of his mistakes.

Those who stand out like vampires, crave the blood and vengeance of the one facing his sentencing today. Salivating for the maximum justice to be done.

Yet whether it fits or not, doesn't matter really--in time the ultimate justice will be faced with in a place not of this earth.
Michael Jackson may not be with us, but he'll always be in memory. His music, his HIStory lives on.

For those of us who have been with him, felt him, held him, loved him, adored him, cherished him, and watched his magic as we've never had before, we are the lucky ones --we had him in our lives, we knew him, we understood him, we watched him rise from a child on up to his last moments. We saw him fumble and cry and come back stronger. We are the ones that he could connect to and understand him as he wanted to be understood. We wanted nothing from him, but his smile and his cantor. We are the ones who are hurting the most from his loss and will be hurt for sometime. Losing a wonderful entertainer, friend, lover and soulmate.

Michael Jackson has left us way too soon, yet his life and how we believe, and keeping the faith can make us get through it as we always have before ....the light may have gone out for now...but we can make his name live on forever in our hearts, in our memories and for always until we meet him again.

"Can't stop loving you."

"I hear your voice now
you are my choice now
The Love you bring
Heaven's in my heart
at your call
I hear Harps
and angels sing"

Where Was this Love for - Jackson

2011-11-18T08:20:00.000-08:00

While laying here on the bed looking over the latest book I’ve just bought, “The Man and the Music,” by Joseph Vogel.
I couldn’t help but reflect back at the other author’s, who’ve written so many accolades about Jackson, each has their own style, version; Including a family member who penned one of his personal feelings about his brother through his eyes. It’s like painting a portrait in many ways.

Now a movie is being contemplated about Michael Jackson. Why try so hard painting a blank canvas of Jackson, one can never re-capture what he had done throughout his life. Sometimes these types of visions of documentary style movies, really never fly. None have really come close to the vision of what that person was in real life, except give a perspective view of ideals of what may have happened, sometimes losing its realistic value.

What I’m trying to say, is that it won’t be as convincing as “This is it.” Michael was alive when this so call collaged piece was put together. The public got to see, what I call, “The Real Michael.” How he worked, how he felt, what made the piece so special, what angered him, what annoyed him; the perfectionist at work could never be replicated in that way. Some would argue, that it was many rehearsals spliced together to make it the film it was. It was a look into a private world, yes, but a world that needed very much to be seen by the public. We saw a different side of Michael we’ve never seen before. We connected and understood why and why he was so hard on himself and his work and truly appreciated him that much more. It was sad though, we saw this – way too late.

It’s not to say that movies cannot be made and that it cannot be done. Sure anything can be done. It’s just how true it will be to Jackson’s life of what most know if it.
Yet while books are being penned, documentaries are made, future thoughts of a movie are being done or thought about--it's all good. Anything positive is good. Yet one cannot help feeling why wasn't this all done sooner.

One has to envision Michael. Feel his dreams and visions of what the music he loved so much was about. It should really be a book for Music History really, to show others who have never felt his ambiance or knew of his music and learn from him. To be inspired and to delight by what he left as his legacy and to love him for the human being he truly was.

Friends & Foes of Jackson

2011-11-11T08:27:00.000-08:00

DUBAI // Two days after Dr Conrad Murray, the personal physician of Michael Jackson, was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter, the star's record producer and mentor has spoken out against the result.

"It's a joke," said Quincy Jones, 78, Jackson's producer on the hit albums Off The Wall, Thriller and Bad, which together have sold more than 160 million copies.

Speaking in Dubai, Jones said if Murray had not been treating Jackson there would have been another medical practitioner doing exactly the same.

"People of Michael's stature get whatever they want, it just goes with the territory," said the producer, who has earned a record 79 Grammy nominations over five decades. "There were 40 other doctors lined up to do the same thing, whatever it is.

"I don't know why a guy would kill someone who's giving him US$150,000 [Dh551,000] a month."

Sometimes I wonder about the so call friends of Jackson. They tout "How they truly miss him, and it was tragic that he had to pass that way," on one hand, then the contradictory statements come out when they least expect it. You knew Mr. Jones, that these music legends with money can get what they want and doctor shop as they please and end up six feet under, then why, as a legendary music artist and writer yourself, do something about this? Rather than sit back and watch this happen. You're the one with the clout in so call "Hollywood." Or is it that you too run from the fear that you will be blackballed if you act on what you see, be a whistle blower and possibly end your career?

You mean to tell me that if the flunky Murray didn't come along and do it, another would have? What's that saying about you Mr. Jones?

It's sickening that people today can come out and make statements that "they knew this or that was happening," yet do nothing about it. Okay you're the golden egg that made me money, you messed up and now are dead, I can reap far better benefits off your dead carcass. I don't mean to be so crude, but it's so damn true.
It's like this recent story about "Penn State" and Sandusky who had molested young boys over the years and coach Joe Paterno knew about these things and stood by and did nothing, as did most of the others who watch and turned a blind eye.
Or take that little two year old girl in China who was run over, not once, but twice, while the public walked around and just looked and kept to their own business. Not one of them took a moment to look down at this child and try and give her some assistance.

Such was the case with so call Dr. Murray, a doctor who "PLANNED" a video, "AFTER" he pumps Jackson full of propofol, medically walks away and says, he did his best to help. Does a phone taping and now now "I didn't realize I was doing this?" Who are you trying to kid ...yourself?
You knew exactly what you were doing from the day you met Jackson --he was just your meal ticket, a way to meet more young ladies and travel.
It's not that Jackson wrecked you're life, it's that YOU wrecked his by enabling him with more drugs. You KILLED Jackson. You say he did this to himself?
Really, Murray quit while you are ahead. MSNBC you suck for airing this slime bags version of brainwashing.

It is pure propaganda to destroy Jackson even in death and clear yourself by giving idea that Jackson was this junkie, feisty, spoiled and demanding piece of crap that went out across the world to shop for doctors to give him his "milk." Really Murray, can you please tell me who wrote your script for you? You sound so damn rehearsed.

You Murray, were paid to do what you did, and scripted to say what you are saying now, and it's sounds so unbelievably. Tell me Murray, who was "your video-grapher," was it one of Jackson's? For a guy who was so broke, owed lots of child support, where did you get the money to get professional people to video-graph your statements, such as the one you made "claiming" "You're Totally Innocent." ( Just like Jackson did in his during his trials).
You're admission's both by police statements, and now these video's are proof of what you carefully planned for Michael Jackson and how you succeeded in taking down the "King of Pop." A perfect Crime novel, as I see it, or so you thought anyway.It is beginning to look more like it was premeditated.

You NEVER hear of someone taping a video or making public statements or doing morning talk show circuits after a person dies by either the person who caused the death either by accident or otherwise. They're too devastated to do anything, even if they are innocent. I'm just shocked to see the media helping Murray out like this.

A friend or friends have become the foe's of Michael Jackson. Hate and jealousy was so bad, and now that they've succeeded in putting him out of the way, they can say what they want because the Michael Jackson is NOT here to defend their statements. Friends like you guys...who needs enemies?

Guilty Verdict vs Emptiness

2011-11-08T07:51:00.000-08:00

Okay we all heard it - "Guilty." Some of us shed the tears, while others screamed for joy at the vengeance they got from hearing the word. It was as if blood was sought after for what had happened, folks got emotions out, heard what they had long awaited for, that is justice for the death of Jackson, as others stood in dismay as to where it went wrong.

There is never any good feelings when it comes to these verdicts. All parties to me are simply a victim of this. The Jackson family who lost their son, the father of three children, who are now, without any parent to love them. The mother of Conrad Murray, his child, children, and his patients who rely on him for his care. All are victims of a demise that should have never happened.

Yet somehow, it just doesn't seem fit that just one doctor takes the blame for what others contributed to as well. As one person, Willie stated, "there was someone else that was in that room as well." "Where is the surveillance tape?" Yea we know it's conspiracy theories and this my friends will go on for some time.

Yes Murray was the major character in this horrible nightmare on Carolwood Dr. He was the one that had the medications and gave the dosages and yes he was the foolish one who didn't have the proper equipment and forgot how to behave as a doctor should.He didn't bother to do his research, check out other doctors to see what they were doing, "before" enlisting himself into the dark dank scenario he lead himself get caught in. The spider spun the web that lured the fool into his silk spun home to trap him. He's no longer a doctor and one with creditability any longer.
A danger to society, no I don't really think so, yet others will beg to differ. He murdered someone, not just anyone, a father, son and a brother, more than a legend really, a powerful figure in the entertainment business, just gone too soon.

We watched him being cuffed, before the judge was even finished with his statements. The squeal from a sister, who didn't think the outcome would be positive, couldn't contain herself, even though warned of no emotional outbursts. One could say, it was proper somewhat because she, LaToya, endure so much, having to view her brother body on those dark empty days.

Yet will the punishment fit the crime, or will this be another debatable emotional action due to overcrowding in our California prisons. One will have to wait until the 29th of November to see.

Reports are already coming out that there will be civil trials in the coming new year over this case. That could possible track down some of the doctors that were also liable for the enabling of Jackson and the issuing of propofol for sleep therapy.

With that said, some will say, Jackson was not an addict. That's their belief, but the evidence is quite clear and frankly it's not something that will overshadow Jackson legend.
Was he a junkie? I dislike that word so much.
I can still remember him standing with President Regan who gave him an award for "Say No To Drugs!" Sort of ironic now though.

Yet, Jackson was human, this was something that took over and went out of control, it's sad, not humiliating that it happened to him. A young boy, happy and smiling and so filled with energy, grew up tormented over his looks, his life, and trying to be the best, and even he, his worst critic, couldn't quite satisfy.
It took a terrible burn on his head while doing a "Pepsi" commercial, that took him expectantly down a hellish road of pain and later his dependence on pain killers.
Even through this, Michael has made HIStory inadvertently. His case was the first of it's kind. It will make doctors more aware of what they do and hopefully what they prescribe. That being a doctor in the medical profession is keep the Hippocrates oath, to do your best to care for those who are ill, "NOT" to cause death by pure neglect or abandonment.

Now the Finger Pointing Begins

2011-11-07T06:10:00.000-08:00

Day two of the verdict wait begins today. Nerves are frazzled, will this be the day, will the jury be rested and come back and deliberate or will they already have their minds made up? Who knows, the wait is just so hard.
Meantime, while we wait to hear...it's just funny how so call friends of Jackson are now singing like canaries about Jackson being addicted totally on the propofol. Is this a new revelation that is shocking or is this someone who just wants to brush off the guilt from himself. It's pretty bad that friends Jackson once trusted are now declaring "after" the trial has ended and we're all awaiting the pending verdict, Dr. Klein now blurts this out. "He threw out a doctor in Las Vegas, he tried to intervene, he "saved" Jackson from another doctor? Why is he coming out with these so call stories now?
You saw these incidents and did nothing other than make claims you "saved" him. Save a friend or was it, that you were saving your own ass?
If you knew these things were going on, if one can believe this nonsense, then why didn't you "ACT" not try and so call "SAVE" Jackson. Rehab is what Jackson really needed.

Folks can talk a fine line "after the fact," the person is dead and gone, it's too late to say this or that and what could have been or should have been. You're all guilty of the death of Michael Jackson in my book. No one acted, instead all of you stood their and watched Jackson slowly ebb away to die without caring. No excuses I'm sorry. Yes one man, "Dr. Murray pushed the final doses into the bloodstream of Jackson, maybe Jackson pushed his final dose of death without realizing it, no one will know. Murray was the blame and in the room last. He deserves his punishment for being a fool. The rest of you will have your guilt to live with and slowly this will eat away at your souls. So sit and be proud of yourselves for what you've accomplished. Reap the benefits of the money you're raking because Jackson is gone. Drink a toast to one another and celebrate.

There was more than one that took out Jackson, Murray was just the stupid flunky that had money issues and what better jackass to put in the line of fire than him. The stories sometimes just don't add up. Each saw what was going down and shoved the job on the other to take care of it. There are too many loose connections that eventually will slowly begin to seep out and then the "real" finger pointing will begin.

Day One

2011-11-04T17:14:00.000-07:00

Well this was one long day of just waiting and jumping with each "breaking news." Then came the so call "buzz". The buzz meant this (1) buzz meant a break, (2) buzz, meant either lunch, we want notes or other. (3) means that the jury has decided. Interesting.
You could see the anxiety both in fans outside, as tension began building up, upstairs, 2 floors up were the media, sitting on pins and needles to jump at a moments notice. HLN Vinne Politan, nerves were on the edge with each buzz and queried whether one or two or is this the big one? Pundits running around saying today would be the day, and giving their reason why, and others, who've been at other trials, said that maybe Monday or even Tuesday. No one really knows.

Yet this day has proven good really. The jury is doing what they're there for. They didn't rush to judgement. The longer they are there means they're going over the evidence presented.
Now some would say that it's good for the defense the longer they stay out. No one really knows this. The evidence was there, the medical jargon and graphics were the toughest part of the trial. Yet it was the vital part of it as well.

The attorney's were good on Thursday. The prosecution gave a hell bent view of a father, who had dreams and ambitions to show his children. He also mentioned that these kids, who have no real mother, now are without a father. Was methodical in his presentation explaining exactly what went down.
The only bad part was the the input about the baggy shorts at the hospital and bulge in the shorts, was the I.V. Line rolled and hidden in there. This was not brought into evidence and should have not been implicated in his closing arguments.
The rebuttal was even more fiery, with "Poor Conrad Murray!" He brought his points home. It was very convincing and emotional to say the least.

On the other side, the defense was just as good, with what little they had to try and save their client. The effect points were, Dr. Murray is a good doctor; Maybe he didn't mean to do this, there were others in the background, "and he was a small fish in a dirty pond."

Another point that was interesting Kai the chief, when she saw Dr. Murray, he told her to get help or get Prince. Why didn't she just go and get the security instead?

Another point one I don't agree with, was "Dr. Murray didn't have to call 911, he "was" 911. Yes he was 911, a doctor, who had the knowledge to know what to do in the case of an emergency. Yet, this doctor had no backup medical help to assist him, no medical equipment to react quickly. He wasted time. Then the part of the CPR, really boiled me up, that he was doing it properly. One handed CPR? On the bed and no board under his patient? No sorry that doesn't fit the protocol.
I agreed with the point, the statement made by one of the doctors on stand referencing, "Michael was like a baby left on a counter." He felt that this was an insult to Mr. Jackson's name. Michael is not a child, he could make his own mind up as far as contracts and other things. In other words, he knew what was going down, and regardless of how much you wish to ignore this, Michael was an addict, he knew exactly what he needed and wanted and shopped for it and got what he wanted because of who he was.

On the other hand, Dr. Murray had the choice to be Jackson's trusted doctor, not employee and certainly not a friend. When he was asked to give the so "milk," this is where Dr. Murray was in control. He should walked away and let go of the entire case knowing what he was up against. Instead he choice to do the wrong thing. He wanted money, fame and all that came when with Jackson. He over medicated, never monitored, and abandoned his patient. It was beyond the Standard care and very negligent on his part.

No one knows what really went down on June 25, 2009, except Michael and Dr. Murray. Hopefully Michael didn't suffer and went peacefully. Dr. Murray is guilty of his actions there is no doubt about it. Whether criminal or intentional. As the courts say, That I would find hard to answer. We don't really know what happened that day and we will never know because the person isn't here to defend himself. Michael didn't want to take his life, he had too much to live for, his children were his lifeline to happiness. Dr. Murray cut this short by over medicating him.

How Does Make Us Feel

2011-11-01T14:09:00.000-07:00

How does this trial and it's closure coming soon make us all feel?

There really isn't a right or wrong way to feel really. The main issue is about Michael, his presence not being here and whether Murray gets his just due, well that will be up to the jurors to decide.

It's not going to bring Michael back really. There will always be that emptiness within us all that will always ache for him.

There will be no closure to the Mother, Katherine, who's heart has ached since that day for her son. For his children, a brief wonderful memory of the times with him that will have to last for ever.
For the family in general, there will always that agony of why it happened, questions as to whether they didn't do enough.
It's a disease yes, but unlike cancer, you know how to deal with it. When it's a death caused by another, sometimes there is an aching angry feeling that eventually will subside and heal. Whether they all can forgive is another story. It may not be for some time, if at all, especially if Dr. Murray is given a free reign to go back to his life as if nothing happened.
It's an empty feeling, one of uncertainty and one of sadness. An uneasy feeling, as it was then in 2005, when we all had to wait so long for the jury to come back with a verdict. All one can do is hope for the best and not feel angry if it's not what you expected. You have to own up to it and understand it is what it is regardless of the outcome.

Michael Could Be Alive Today

2011-10-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

It was hard listening to the last half of the testimony of Dr. Shaffer yesterday. Hard because it was not that hard to see, as Dr. Schaffer, went through each step with an excellent layman's explanation as to why this was this and why that was that and even explaining how Michael Jackson could have possibly died and what the outcome would have been for Michael and possibly what if's scenarios if Doctor Murray had reacted as a physician should have, gone through the proper procedures and Jackson receiving the oxygen as he should have and what the outcome would be if Jackson would be alive today.

Even if oxygen had been given to Jackson, the length of time without breathing for an unknown amount of time, leaving the brain temporarily oxygen deprived, would have made Jackson psychologically dysfunctional, yet he would be alive. He would have been dependent on others for his care.

The 17 egregious mistakes of the standard of care that Doctor Murray id to Michael was enough to send my blood boiling. Simple procedures that are second nature to all of us professionals, and especially equipment that is so vital to the patient's care, not even in the room. Not to mention the lack of taking a history, logging notes throughout the procedures he had done throughout the weeks and months of Jackson's care really had upset me a great deal. It made me sick hearing how this all could have had a different ending if the right things had been done the correct way.

Points in the prosecution with Jackson and how he didn't want history taken due to his privacy, that Dr. Schaffer called a lie. I agree, even if Jackson had demanded no history notes or medical records be kept on him due to privacy, I would have done it anyway to protect myself from this very thing that is going on right now. Its law and medical history notes do have to be written, not verbally left to memory, be taken.

Or the fact that Jackson kept demanding that he give him the so call "milk," as he called it. You're the doctor, you’re in charge, not Jackson, you should have said no and you should have told him sorry, I will not put my career in jeopardy regardless of who you are and just tell Jackson go seek another doctor.

I Remember yesterday it was stated, there was no other case history like this. Jackson was THE ONLY ONE.

I'm glad Dr. Schaffer, did the demonstration in the court, and showed the video as well, regardless of what the defense felt. The medical field is beginning to look like a joke lately thanks to this case. Or signing consent forms that is vital before any procedures are done. Something that Jackson didn't have the chance to have.

Even if he hadn't wanted it due to privacy measures, then that again is a reason to let go and walk away from a potential dangerous situation. If anything, this case is going to bring light on a lot of things that have had laid back attitudes and put things back into reality with professionals and hospitals alike. It's like a wake-up call for all of us in the medical field.

It's a privilege to be a medical profession; you go through years of training and spend endless amounts of money to be the best you can be. To just throw it all away due to stardom and what that will bring to you. How foolish Murray's thinking was. We take the Hippocratic Oath seriously when we graduate and are given the privilege to aid ill patients. They depend on us for their care and for our expertise.

In this case, Jackson was denied all his patient's rights, his family was denied the medically history of their brother, son, and father as to what went seriously wrong and why? They'll never know fully what did happen; only hear what possibly went wrong accidentally or purposely. It's not fair to the children of Jackson. Who had to endure walking into their father's room seeing him in such a fashion they've never had to witness before. To their mother, who had endured a long harsh trial of hearing lies about her son to now her son was taken from her without regard from a so call quake who didn't know what he was doing or much less cared. Mrs. Jackson has serious heart issues. Yet just how long before it just eats away at her broken heart before something happens to her. As much as everyone pokes fun at her ways, she is a MOTHER; nonetheless, this should not have happened. Her son should be alive and with all of them today.

I Told You So

2011-10-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

Can I now say I told you so. Can I remind you that the media isn't going to sugar coat any information regardless of of Jackson fans, regardless if you had gone on their shows to do interviews, to grab you while your supporting Jackson in front of the court, and ask you why your there. Didn't I explain to you prior that they don't have a personal interest in what you do or why you do it, it's only to show what "your about," give you what you "really" went there for, at least in their minds, to have your "five minutes of fame." Even though HLN touts they'll "Present the story as humanly possible."

( Initially, HLN's Jane Velez Mitchell said on air, that HLN would not be showing the photograph. But later that afternoon, HLN's Vinnie Politan did. For the next two days, the disturbing picture was shown many times for up to 11 seconds each time. Scott Safon as Chief Executive of HLN is chiefly responsible for this decision.)

What did you expect? Of course this was shown, regardless of who said what and how long it ran and who executed the decision. It was "HOT" news. It was Safron decision because he knew other people, besides us "Jackson" fans would "want" to see this as perplexing as this sounds. It's ratings folks. Get it?

From their the social atmosphere that we all live in shot the picture even further without regard. You think for five minutes they're going to take pity on Jackson or any high profile celebrity? Today's news it's about the dirty, the worse it is the better it feeds the public. Whose the blame really. All of us if you must really know. Our curiosity, our love for the unknown, the gossip etc. Come on face it folks, you all love to hear what's going on with your favorite celebrity. Don't kid yourselves. Shows like "Entertainment Tonight, Inside Edition," just to name a few. If you didn't want to know, then why are some of you watching "TMZ", hunting down information on some of these gossip shows, or checking the web for any negative information about the case. The photo began spreading like wild fire across the internet without regard of who viewed it. "TMZ" goes for the kill on celebrities. It's what makes them big today. Jackson's is just a isolated hot story for the moment. They report it, yet don't like to dealing with us "crazed fans," as they see us.

(Not even Osama Bin Laden's body was paraded past the public in this dehumanizing way. Why should it be acceptable that Michael Jackson's family, friends, and fans should have to endure this outrage for nothing more than ratings? A new threshold has been crossed that tramples human dignity and decency - standards towards the dead that have been respected for millennia.)

This I agree with, but with one exception. If we had photos of Osama Bin Laden's body, you know for a fact that would be splashed all over the world. You know this as much as I do. That's why our Government did what they had to do secretly to prevent a public display and to make it look as if our country was bragging over what they had done. One cannot compare Jackson to this evil man and what had happened.

All of you know this photo wasn't something none of us wanted to see, and yet it "had" to be to some degree. It's a criminal case. Of course there was one other method that could have been used, according to one lawyer I spoke to, that the photo could have been just shown to the jury privately and not publicly displayed as it was.

You can scream and shout and tout your disgust at what had happened and try to get some justification if that pleases you. Yet I can honestly say it will fall on deaf ears. You're messing with the big guns, that's entertainment, plus they have the big bucks to do as they wish, we don't. To these guys, ratings and money mean more than a few people who scream and shout over the least little thing that happens.

I wrote about this before, no one paid attention, no one cared. Those of us from the 2005 court hearings, we knew and we experienced, we were the wise ones and we all warned one another not to speak to the press, or give out any kind of information period. Even though our emotions were high and our voices loud. It was difficult, yet we all did it to some degree that is, until some pundits from the business did push our buttons to react out as we did.

Again that question comes up over and over again, "Why aren't you here to support?" What happened then, I want nothing to do with today. It was emotional for all of us then, as it's more emotional for all us now. The after effects of then are still with me and if I was there, it wouldn't be pretty to break down and show weakness. For those of you who think the majority of us don't care. You guys are so far from being so wrong. The degree of separation has put us all in different areas. I chose what I felt was right for me. As for others they do the same as well. Those folks that are there, we're grateful as always they represent us and that we truly mean.

I've said this a thousand times over. This trial and all that it encumbers is and has been one emotional roller coaster for us all. It leaves still questions unanswered, hate that is building up towards the doctor, and ideas and theories that are flying around as to who was the one who helped the doctor do this and follow the money trail and you'll see who really killed Jackson. Great theories and they make sense to some degree. Yet the ones who will bring closure to this case is not theories, but actual "TRUTH HARD COLD FACTS," that will be presented to 12 jurors. These jurors are going to have to make the decision as to what truly went down with what they were presented with.

I could throw out my theory for what it's worth. This will be a half and half problem, the doctor will be punished for his negligence, his aiding an already addicted patient, for having a drug in his possession out out of the hospital setting and without experience or backup equipment to resuscitate the patient. He won't be fully punished to any degree, he will have his license removed-or taken away...this I seriously doubt. He may not even go to prison, as our prisons are overloaded as is now. With the cutbacks, he may end up doing his time, if guilty, in a county jail, where he is half outside and half in jail. ( weird but that is what was mentioned) Overall...a slap on the wrist ...bottom line.

I will end by saying that as long as their is fame and fortune, there will be doctor good feels out there continuously writing the prescriptions, getting the big bucks and having no regard what the consequences in the long run will be. Again it's a "I told you so."

Emotional Day For All

2011-10-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

At times I feel as if the Jackson world I once knew has drifted and went south. The anger, emotions and other feelings are now just surfacing. Take yesterday's court #10 day. A disturbing photo of Jackson was seen by all, with minor exceptions of the family who were warned beforehand.
I wonder, was it really necessary? Yes this is a trial of homicide. Yes photos of graphic nature must be portrayed in order to give the jurors a look at what happens. Yet a autopsy photo? What did this have to display. A man who is thin and has been bruised by trying to revive him so many times. It was for the majority of us a gut wrenching photo. One we didn't want to see, yet did. Upsetting is putting it mildly.

Did the prosecution score points? Possibly with the witness Dr. Chris Rogers who had done autopsy. Yet he had to get outside help in order to know what he was dealing with as far as the drug propofol was concerned. As he said, it was out of expertise. Yet Dr. Rogers did give a definitive answer as to the cause of death. "A acute propofol intoxication."

The defense, Flannagan, gave it a good try to score points as well, especially with stomach contents, how pills undigested could be still there or in the blood work, the manner that the medication was taken, the length of time it had, the therapeutic level of the femoral blood as oppose to the peripheral blood, the time and duration of this. The intensity of the the push, whether slow or rapid infusion, to still try and prove that Jackson had taken some pills, possibly 8 of them, and went back to bed, and pushed the remainder of the 25 mgs into himself. ( 25 mg already had been given by Dr. Murray).

The arguments went back and forth, yet the witness, Dr. Rogers, was outstanding and stood ground, never really giving any type of reasonable doubt. In fact, Dr. Rogers actually came out and stated that he did not believe Jackson took the fatal dose of propofol. That Dr. Murray neglected to tell anyone he gave this drug to Jackson, to the EMT's, to the hospital, to anyone. Dr. Rogers, slow methodically manner was eerie, yet amazing to watch. Especially when calculating does right on stand to prove to Atty. Flanagan whether his assumptions of the doses were accurate or not.

Defense Attorney Flanagan was rather annoying with the darn calculations and whether this would be found in the blood and or stomach contents. The time etc. He wouldn't give up on these questions.

Still we can't claim a winner just yet. There is much more evidence coming and what other shocking factors are in store for us all?

One factor I do believe, sad as it may be, is that Michael was addicted, no denying this, no flowering the statements of disbelief. No denials. Karen Faye ( Jackson's Makeup artist) did say back then in 2009, that he had problems for quite some time. It's very sad. When a person is like this. There is no way you can get them to the help he needs unless they themselves truly want it. Harsh...but true.

One thing I am learning from this, besides drug calculations that drive me nuts and drug names I can't even spell much less say, is I learned that Michael had fungal problems with his nails on his feet and maybe his hands. Explains the brown nails and him wearing white socks.
The cremes to even out his skin, how he had to use quite a lot them to even the spots out, something that the haters disbelieved and his vitilago skin disease.
He had problems with his prostate and had difficulty urinating and his eyesight was very poor as well. That's due to his lack of eating the proper diet and not drinking enough fluids to keep the body equalized.
Also the differential of Michael's "Lack of Sleep." There were 2 different types mentioned yesterday, other than his chronic one. That the propofol should not have been given for this. That this was to be used in a controlled situation where there is staff on hand to monitor, and most importantly, equipment that monitors the amount that is given to the patient.

The Murray Tape and Admonishment

2011-10-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

The people who were admonished by Judge Pastor, were Rebbie and her daughter, because they had walked into the center of the well where attorney's were and disrupted the court. They, Rebbie and her daughter, couldn't deal with what Dr. Murray's was saying on his tape.

Also, today breaking news. The doctor mentioned in Murray's tape, Dr. Adams, who was stated as " Michael loved this drug," meaning the ( milk) propofol, is so livid at Dr. Murray for dragging his name into the mix, is now considering a lawsuit against Murray. ( Heard on Issues...Jane Velez Mitchell)

This tape, that was played today, by Dr. Murray, for the jurors, and was part of the evidence, seem to be an interview that was too well thought out. It was methodical. When you're in trouble like this, your thoughts and memory are jumbled and you're not going to remember everything that went down that day as Murray did.

Murray was placing most of the blame onto Jackson. Murray claims he was surprised about the knowledge Jackson had about propofol, How he had to have the lidocaine in order to stop the burn. He even stated other doctors, taught Jackson how to inject the drug himself. "That he liked pushing the needle."

First of all this all so painful to hear. Yet it's reality and I'm trying to stay focused on the details here. If you have a patient that is so addicted like this, why as a doctor, didn't you just refuse to care for Jackson in the first place. Why sign on and give more drugs to Jackson? He couldn't sleep, couldn't perform if he didn't sleep. That right there shows manipulation...and that Jackson was in trouble. It was beyond your scope. He needed professional help to get him off of all this medications.
This was not done. Instead Murray gives in, because he states that he loves Michael, that he was a "FRIEND." This was a mistake right here. Patient and doctors "are not friends."

Time of the drugs were basically estimations, because he claimed he had no watch or didn't know times. Yet I heard him say "I looked at my watch."
He gave the drugs, and the propofol, and saw finally, that Jackson had gone to sleep at last. He wasn't "snoring." Murray claimed he stayed and observed him. Because he was afraid that he would jump up as he had done before and be wide awake again. But this didn't happen. So he left the room and went to the men's room and while there, emptied Jackson's urine bottles.
As we heard, the room where the bathroom is in another room. Murray said it took 2 minutes.
We know he was on the phone talking to people ( approximately 45 minutes).

When he returns his patient, Jackson is in distress. He had no alarms to warn him of this earlier, because the oximeter on Jackson's finger didn't have one.
The CPR story was repetitively mentioned over and over. "Done on the Bed." The bed was hard he claims, and I took my left hand and began compressions.
911 should have been immediately called at this stage, yet not done. The excuse, he didn't want anyone to know what happened. He calls the public assistant of Jackson, yet never mentions calling 911.
Why didn't you want anyone to know?

Dr. Murray said that he gave the orders to do an autopsy. Huh? Once the patient arrives in hospital. The primary doctor care and orders ends and the UCLA begins to take over, meaning they are the ones who order the autopsy once all efforts to revive the patient are done.

Murray gave the dose of 25 mg of propofol slow drip into an already established saline IV, along with Lidocaine ( to prevent the burn) that flowed down from the tube into Michael's calf, where the IV needle was inserted. The dose was given by a syringe in the Y apparatus of the IV Tubing.
Murray didn't monitor the patient long enough. He left Jackson alone and he denies the time frame as to how long he was gone. He gave another drug that was an antidote. ( Very Important here). He gave this to lessen the other drugs he had been giving Jackson prior to the propofol injection, when things went awry.

Even if all these things happened and it sounds like contradiction at time, the time of death and who administered the fatal dose still must be found. The prosecution still has to prove this and prove that the defense theory, that Jackson gave his own administration of the fatal dose himself is not true. The time frame between the bathroom, Murray's absence and if Jackson was awake or not has to be determined if this can be done.

Today Was A Bit Rough

2011-09-27T18:24:00.000-07:00

Opening statements today was really an eye opener. The prosecution had made a strong argument and brought out some evidence that showed a disturbing photo of Jackson on a gurney, and completely shocked the courtroom, his fans and his mother.

David Walgren, spoke of how Murray gave the drug, propofol without the authority, to an already addicted patient of which Murray knew. The inconsistent care that was given without regard, and the amounts given. Walgren goes on with the inconsistent timeline. Lack of of proper equipment that alerts the doctor of a patient in respiratory distress; and the chain of command Murray had gone through before calling 911. How he kept the propofol to himself without telling the EMT's or the doctors at the hospital where Jackson was pronounced dead.

The shock of the day was the tape that Murray had made prior to him being hired. Why he did this was confusing. Why would you tape Micheal unless you were going to sell it somewhere later on for money? This was a private personal conversation as patient and doctor. It was so heart wrenching.

The defense was rather at odds, didn't present their case well clear as the prosecution. There plan was more accusatory than anything. Aiming the blame not onto Murray, but more onto Jackson. How Murray gave him a small amount of the propofol, how he had to relieve himself, and didn't know how Jackson ended up in respiratory distress.

The prosecution stated the time line was the key factor. Lots of cell phone calls, ordering propofol in large quantities, not for an office mind you, but for a girlfriends home. The relationship turned into, not a patient and doctor, but more Jackson the boss and Murray the employer. Murray had financial problems. He demanded 5 million dollars but instead received 150 thousand.

Bottom line, this is purely a negligence case. It was disregard for his patient. Besides the ill fated poorly done CPR on a bed, it was negligence and disregard of not being there for his patient regardless.
Plus the fact Murray never told anyone, that he used propofol, not to the EMT or the doctors at the hospital. It wasn't until later, when Murray began to feel guilty that he told the detectives about the drug.

The defense tries to paint the picture as Michael had taken his own life. That he must have taken medications prior to the administration of propofol. It seemed unlikely that his client, Dr. Murray did this, because he gave him only 20mg of propofol, because he knew Jackson had to get up at noon.

The defense went on to say, Jackson had taken several tabs of sedative lorazepam and would knock 3 people out. Yet Michael, according to the defense, couldn't sleep. He was frustrated and wanted something. He couldn't perform if he couldn't sleep. I can't perform, according to the defense, if I don't get some sleep. I will have to cancel my rehearsals. Fearing that those in the upper command, AEG, Phillips and Gongware, would take his catalog, and threatened to close down the show. Michael feared this. According to the prosecution attorney when questioning of Ortega. The meetings that were mentions by both Ortega and Gonware, showed a different side of Michael, from the day that Ortega had seen cold and looking badly.

Yet the defense goes on to say, Jackson could have got up and drank the propofol while the doctor was out of the room. Either way the cocktail mix was so volatile, that he died so rapidly, so instantly, he didn't even have time to close his eyes.

The prosecution went on to say, Murray abandoned him and its gross negligence, that Murray didn't have a medical team, or a partner in the room to monitor Jackson while he wasn't there, and that he didn't keep accurate notes or medical records at all on his patient.

Ortega was the first witness on the stand. He seemed a bit nervous, but he demonstrated his accounts as to what happened before and during that period. When Michael came in, he was not himself. It was of kindness and concern. He was shocked at the condition Michael had been in. How he had to feed him, give him a blanket, massage his feet and give him a blanket. Michael on the other hand, politely asked him if he could stay and watch. Ortega said yes, sure. Michael was always in charge of his choreography. Video's were shown demonstrating this point. "The Way You Make Me Feel," and the last one, "Earth Song," that was Michael's visionary dream to heal the world as he saw it today, spread his message out to the world. Michael had been hopeful for the future. He was making plans in the future to make movies, 3D ones, such as Thriller and the woman who was the inspiration of his "Smooth Criminal."
That Murray told him during a meeting, to butt out, you do the organizing of the show, and let me be the doctor.

Paul Gongaware, the concert promoter was the last witness for the day, again spoke of dates, rehearsals and rest periods and the condition he saw Michael in, how he felt he looked and acted, his reply...Excited. His testimony continues tomorrow.

( Forgive the inaccuracies of yesterday, I didn't have my notes with me at the time of the writing and also I was still in a down funk as the media began showing the photo of Jackson ...disturbing)